The Grit Factor Podcast w/ Karl Jacobi

Episode 12 - HoneyWoods Audio

00:00:00 Speaker: Average is the enemy of greatness. Comfort is the enemy of growth. Welcome to the Grit Factor podcast, where we strip away the highlight reel and get into the darkness beneath it. The real stories, the real battles, and the battle plans used to conquer them. I'm your host, Carl Jacobi, combat vet, entrepreneur, resilience and performance coach, keynote speaker, husband and father. I've built, scaled, and exited multiple companies totaling over forty million in revenue. But here's what that highlight reel doesn't show you. Life has been smacking me in the face with a two by four since I was just five years old. Broken home, constant chaos. No playbook. No safety net. Just grit. And if you're anything like me, you know you've got another level in you, in your business, your career, your faith, your leadership. You're just not sure how to get there. That's exactly why we're here. Be sure to follow me for more great content and check out my website. Success with Carl dot com. Now that's Carl with a K. Now let's get to work. Honey. Welcome to the show today. I'm so glad to have you here. Thank you, Carl, for having me. I'm glad to be here. Absolutely. My honor. And I really am looking forward to to diving in today and a little personal context. You know, we've known each other for, you know, we were just talking about this in the green room, if you can call it a green room, I don't know. Um, talking about this, you know, how long we've known each other and, and, you know, it's been several years, right? And you come from a background similar to mine. e-commerce, Amazon. It seems to be kind of like that tying rope, right? You know. And so I want to offer some context to, to those that are watching or listening. Like, who is this amazing honeywood's that's sitting in front of me today? Who did we get the honor and privilege to, to listen to today? So with that, you know, I, in this day and age, we've come to know you as this publisher that's up and rising, publisher, self publisher with, you know, at least a dozen authors from various stages. Right? And just in the last year, you've got a hybrid publishing company helping people getting stories. And when I quote you saying, is what God, what God has planted in your heart or in their hearts that they want to get out in that season, right? And I'm getting a little goosebumps right now because I'm navigating a season of life. And you and I have talked about, you know, a book in my life, or maybe more. Who knows? But this is an area that I see a lot of passion in your eyes, where you really are laser focused and helping as many people as you possibly can, getting your story out, getting their story heard, and really getting that message out. You're a home school mom of six. Yeah, six. I was going to say that in Spanish, but I'm sure my mom, my wife will probably slap me in the back of my neck because I'll screw that up. And you've built all of this through a very tough season. Very hard, you know, hard time of your life, right? And I definitely want to jam into this because those are listening right now. I hope you're on the edge of your seat because honey, you've got an amazing story, you know, and you've got an amazing heart. And to do what you've done as a solo person, solopreneur, solo publisher. Well, if that's even a term grammar, please leave me alone. Uh, but but let's go beneath the scenes. Right. Um, here we are. We see you as this amazing publisher that's, you know, and it seems to be developing steam, right? You said, hey, yeah, we've been working with, you know, twelve authors. It's only in the last year, but oh my gosh, Carl, it seems to be, you know, developing very, very quickly, but they don't see what it cost to get where you are today. Right. So give us some perspective. Who are you and what are you actually building? But yeah, let's just kind of take it from there. Yeah. Goodness. Um, so yeah, I am currently in a season where I am, um, helping in the whole publishing realm. And like you said, I'm so passionate about helping people get their stories out there. Whatever God has put on their heart. And part of that came, it really was just rooted in myself. Um, you know, through the season that I went through being like, I need to get my story out there. And so that's what started me, you know, writing and sharing my story and feeling like there's other people out there that can be encouraged by what the Lord has carried me and my family through. And so that's where all that started, um, was just knowing that it is so important. Our stories are so important to share. Um, you know, others can be encouraged by them and blessed by them and motivated and hopefully inspired to some extent. And when you're in the middle of the mess, you don't ever feel like that. But I think it's really important to share your story, whatever that looks like. Um, because it can be, you know, just a catalyst for other people to help bring them out of a difficult place. And, um, when you're in those difficult places, it's easy to get stuck there and think there's no hope. And so being able to be on the, even, even if you're a few steps in front of someone else, being able to say, hey, I got through this, um, and help carry them is really important, I think. Yeah, I agree wholeheartedly. And this is something I've come to realization too, especially as you know, I work with more people either individually or through group or, you know, just interviewing amazing people in this podcast and having conversations. You're not alone, right? We seem to think that we're the only ones that deals with this mess, or it's only me. No, no, it's not just you. It's just only, you know, there's just not enough people talking about it because it's, it's somehow, you know, demonized when we talk about our emotions or we're talking about things. And don't get me wrong, there are times and places not to talk about this kind of stuff, right? Um, but let's, let's go beneath the surface for a moment because, you know, you kind of alluded to this, but I really want to dig into this because, you know, you're raising your kids, running the household, carrying the financial and emotional weight essentially solo, Right. Most people in that season are just trying to survive, right? And I'm sure a lot of people are listening right now, like, yeah, man, that's me too. That's me too, right? But that's not you. So take us there. Not the summary version, but take us there. What did that moment look like for you when things were heavy and you're like, mm, things got to change. Um, well, you know, honestly, um, I think it's important to know, like this is. And maybe everyone feels like this, but this was never something that I planned for. I expected it was just something that hit out of nowhere. Um, you know, my kid's dad decided he wasn't going to be here anymore. And, um, a lot of personal struggles. I mean, he's a military veteran, you understand? There's a lot of personal struggles and everyone handles them differently. Mhm. Um, and so I don't place any blame there because I can't choose for other people, but I can choose my response. Um, now other people's lives will impact you. And so you can't negate that and ignore that. Um, so his choices obviously had a huge impact on me and my decisions for how am I going to raise six kids on my own? Um, you know, at that point in time, we were already entrepreneurs. So he was home from a traditional nine to five kind of thing. And we were all working home and I was home schooling. Um, but it was definitely a moment that I felt, um, you know, the wind just gets knocked out of you of like, I wasn't expecting even if there were, even if there were inklings, I still think you just don't always expect something really difficult and like life changing to happen. And so when it does, um, you know, you have two choices. AM I going to let this knock me down or am I going to rise up from this? And I'll be honest, it's not like an instant decision and you don't have to make that an instant decision. Um, yes, sometimes you need to kind of like, okay, get my bearings. Um, this is overwhelming. What in the world am I going to do? But there was moments of, you know, especially being a mom of six kids, I don't have the option. At least in my mind. There is no option to quit. There's no. I might want to every second of the day, but there was no option to quit. These people were depending on me. Yes. And so I had to choose something. Um, and for me, that was my version of rock bottom, you know, not one hundred percent my choices, but it was still, you know, I have to decide what does this mean for me moving forward? What does this circumstance that we're in mean for my kids moving forward? And how do we move from point A to point B? Um, you know, and like I said, it's not an instant thing. Um, there was a lot of time, you know, a lot of processing, a lot of time, a lot of digging in deeper. Um, that's where I just grew so much in my faith because, you know, even growing up in church and having that foundation, it was still, it became so real to me out of pure desperation of, I don't know what else to do, you know, how do I all these questions, how do I handle life? How do I move forward? What does God's Word have to say about this? How do I raise my kids by myself? How do I just everything? And so that really was a moment that it just, you know, I was totally just, um, fell down, but it was more on my knees. It was like, okay, God, I need you because I can't do this. You know, it's too much to do on your own. And, um, you know, I would never tell anyone agree. Hey, you can do this on your own because it's, it's not possible. People talk about like, oh, you know, you're superwoman or whatever. I'm like, it's really not me though. You know, it was a survival thing. And I'm just like, okay, God, you're gonna have to carry me through this because this is way beyond human capability to home school, to, um, you know, as a, as a parent raising six kids on my own, um, it still have to come up with an income and, you know, pay the mortgage and all that other stuff. Um, and I wanted to do everything I could to not uproot their whole, my kids whole lives. Like I didn't want to be like, well, you have to go to school and I got to go get a normal job. I was trying to figure out how do I do this and not uproot everything in life for you real quick before we keep going, if you've been listening to this conversation and something hit a nerve, if something we talked about made you pause, or you felt that little tug in your chest, like, man, that one was for me. I want you to lean into that for a second. Don't just brush it off. Because here's the thing. Conversations like this. Yes, they're great and I love doing this show, I really do. But if I'm being real with you, a conversation can only take you so far. At some point, you got to stop nodding along and actually do something with that feeling. So here's what I want you to do. I want to personally invite you to something we built called the Reforge Challenge. It's a live five day experience I created specifically for people like you, high performers who know they're capable of more. But something got knocked sideways and the old playbook just stopped working. Or maybe life smacked you in the face with a two by four that you just didn't see coming. Maybe the fire just dimmed and you can't figure out how to reignite it. Five days, five real identity shifts. Live coaching, real community in the kind of honest conversations that actually move the needle. Not just another thing you consume and forget by Friday. Listen, you're not broken. You're just in between versions. And I love for you to come see what we've built. Head on over to the reforge challenge dot com again. Reforge challenge dot com. Check it out. See if it speaks to you. And if it does, I'll see you inside. All right, let's get back to it. Love that story. I really do and hope everybody is listening or watching right now. You know, it's pulling the information, the nuggets of wisdom that you just disclosed right here. Because one of the things I wrote down that I really love that you brought out is you focused on what you can control, right? You couldn't, you know, dictate how, you know, your husband had, you know, responded and what he had done and so forth. And, and as a, you know, also as a veteran combat veteran, I can certainly understand and relate to the mental health aspect of this, right? Because there are storms that are, you know, that we have to navigate, you know, but I love that you decided to focus to, you know, focus on the controllables, you know. Yes. You were dealt a, you know, a crappy hand, but you, you chose to rise up from it. You know, you chose to focus on what you could believe your faith, what you're thinking, what you're speaking in, your actions and nobody else's. Right. And, and I love that. And listening to you, I'm reminded. When our backs are against the wall, it forces to go to the one person that we know that we can rely on. Right? You know, and I've often been reminded that, you know, sometimes it takes us to be brought to our knees to be closer. Yeah. Right. And listening to your story really reminds me of like, yep, I've been there not once, but a few times when guys like, hey, you're getting too big for your britches there, buddy. I gotta bring you back down to your knees and remind you. Yeah. Right. So thank you so much for sharing. You know, a little bit beneath the scenes in this because as, as a mom homeschool, the I don't think you, I don't think enough credit is being given to you right now. So let me do this. A homeschool mom of six of six. Right? We said this already an entrepreneur Who chose to stay home, didn't give in, and rose up to my gosh, honey, can I just, like, give you a virtual hug for a moment? Because that's astounding, right? I'm a, I'm a product of a single mother. Um, or, you know, yeah, a single mom. And granted, our, our relationship was very, very rough and, but that's not her fault. You know, she had bad programming and, and, um, I wish her our situation was very, very different. So, you know, kudos to you. And I just want to honor you for, for rising up because a lot of people would not have done that. There's a lot of people that are looking at your story that have lived your story. Like, I give up, I'm tapping out. I'm done. You know, because they felt like there was no hope for them. They felt like there was no place for them to go. Yeah. And it's really easy to feel like that. Um, you know, I have to say too, I'm very blessed that the Lord allowed people in my path that would remind me, um, to look to him in the hard moments. I was very intentional to only allow people that were, you know, in our closest circles to be people that would point me back to, um, you know, what God says about things and just love on my family and not allow bitterness or anger to take over because it's so common, especially my circumstances, honestly, um, it's so common for people to kind of say, hey, you should be mad. You deserve this and you deserve, you know, I can't control the circumstances that have happened to me, but I can choose how I'm going to respond and I can try to be, uh, you know, that voice for my in my kids lives where I'm helping them respond in a way that is going to be healthy for them and honoring to God in how they respond as well. And again, they're going to make their own choices. But me setting that example for them was so important to me in that as well, not even just for myself, but for them too. Um, because it's really easy to get stuck in the spiral. I mean, we all have our moments in our days, like everyone has those moments and days where, of course I'm going to spiral. But you know, as a general thing, like, okay, by surrounding yourself with other people that are going to help point you back to truth, they're going to point you back. Hey, let me pray with you. And genuinely, you know, caring about God, being with you in your life and making that the focus of how you're going to get through this. And so that was very intentional. Um, and I'm very grateful that the Lord put so many people in my path to remind me of that on the days that I didn't want to be reminded of that. You know? I can relate. Yeah, I can, I can relate. You know, in, you know, talking about, you know, some times where you just want to just throw things. That was like, that was me. That's not even thirty minutes ago, you know, because navigating technology is like, man, it's today, Monday because, you know, my camera didn't want to work my notes didn't want to come up. And it was like everything was, you know, coming and everything that could possibly fail. Almost failed. But, um, let's, let's dive into an area I think a lot of people can, can relate to and it's probably question in the back of their minds, right? Because in looking at your, your bio, you said your identity is not your labels or, uh, changing or other changing identities. And I can't agree with you more, you know, but when you're in that season, what identity were you clinging to and what were you trying to tell yourself that you had to be? Yeah. So, I mean, ever since I was a little girl, all I wanted to be was a wife and a mom. And I know for a lot of people now that probably seems foreign, but in the life that I grew up, that was like the ultimate, you know, that's what I want to do. And, um, you know, I went to college, I had the degree, I do all those I had did all those things. But still my greatest heart's desire was I want to be a wife and a mom and, you know, to be that nurturer for a family. And so when I found myself in a circumstance of like, okay, if you're not going to be a wife anymore, you're not of my own choosing. But that was the circumstances I was facing. If you're not going to be a wife anymore, then who are you? Because if you think about, um, I mean, it could be, you know, surrounding your family or your career or any of those things. A lot of times if you go introduce yourself to someone, what's the first thing you say, oh, here's what I do. You know, or I'm maybe if you're a parent, you're like, oh, I'm so-and-so's mom. You know, that's how you introduce yourself. So yeah, those identities are so much caught up in all of these pieces of our life. But, um, I got to a point where I'm like, if I'm not that, then what does that mean? And again, that was part of my just going to be like, God, I have a million questions and I don't know what any of this means. And so I got deep into Scripture and just couldn't get enough reading and studying more than I ever have in my whole life. And honestly, I mean, I went to a Christian school growing up, so it's not like I hadn't had exposure to that, but it was that personal desperation of I need, I need answers, I need answers for something, something that was stable in a giant ball of chaos that it felt like we were living in. And so I, you know, went to the word of God, like, okay, what is, what is God's word? Say that I am and I, you know, just discovered on a genuine, deeper level, you know, that he says, I'm his child, you know, and I began to see myself as, um, loved and cared for and provided for because I'm his child. And even as a mom, like being able to see that he cares for my kids like a father does, and they have that perfect father. And being able to just find a peace in that and knowing that whatever crazy circumstances we were in, um, you know, there were so many things that he did to, to remind us that we, um, you know, that we were so valued as his child, as his creation, that we had purpose and our of our own being, of our own self. We had purpose regardless of what other people around us chose to do or what I thought life was going to look like. Um, you know, I still had purpose. And so it was a lot. Yeah, it was just a lot of that of really just digging deep and saying, this is, I know who I am. And even if my circumstances have changed, that's not who I am. I am not just a wife or just a mom or, you know, just a person that, you know, does e-commerce or whatever in the world. It was, um, yeah, yeah. You know, but even if any of those things were taken away, that I still had that core identity of God created me to be someone of value. Um, just, you know, as his daughter and not as all these things that I do, um, that, you know. Yeah. Are, can be temporary. I love it, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And I think this is where a lot of people get lost because as we navigate different seasons, I mean, I sold all my companies, not even just not too long ago, you know, and I felt lost for a great period of time because that was my life for so long, you know, and I personally went through a season where I sold all my companies, you know, most of my kids are out of the house because they're going to college. And like all this stuff, the season changes were occurring. I was like, Holy smokes, what's going on here? You know? And so let me talking about this, the skin that you had to shed, you know, when that version of you started the crack and you're starting to shed this skin into the person that you are now and you're starting to figure out these new identities, um, that you just talked about, right? What was the scariest part? Talk to us. Talk to us about that moment, what was the scariest part of that? Shedding the old skin. Um, you know, I think probably just the fear of, of not being able to control it, of just letting it go and of saying, okay, God, I'm going to leave this in your hands because this is how I envision my life. This is what I thought I wanted, this is what I thought I was going to have, you know, from now till forever. And, um, I have to trust that you are going to watch over me and my family, that you are going to be with me through the circumstances and like, just complete surrender of letting trusting that God has my best interest in mind and that he's going to guide me. You know, instead of me being like, I can do this, I can figure it out. Um, there's definitely moments of that. So there was a lot of struggle in moments here and there of like, you know what, I could figure this out myself. And let me tell you, that's not the way to go. It doesn't usually end up well. No, no, no, it doesn't, it doesn't at all. And I'm oftentimes reminded when I'm brought down to my knees is because I need to be reminded I am not in control. Yeah. Right. Um, and that's a great point you brought up. It is feeling like you're, you're not in control. Well, are we ever really in control? You know, we have this illusion that we think we're in control, but no, that's not the case. We're not in control at all. You know, and, um, it's often those times, those events, those seasons that we go through to remind us, nah, not a big girl. Not not dude, you're, you're, you're not in control. I am so you said earlier, um, that you love clarity. You like clarity and structure. And I, I think I can resonate with that. Guilty as charged. But life wasn't cooperating with you, you know, and I think a lot of us do can resonate with this. Walk me through what it felt like when a person who is wired for order, structuring clarity, you know, to accept that the outcome is completely out of their hands. Um. Yeah. Realistically, day to day, that feels so overwhelming. Um, again, I have to be honest though, that that's where for me, faith kicked in of I had to be okay with knowing, you know, I'm not control. I can't, I mean, I can make a five year plan, but that might not actually end up. I'm not saying it's not good to have plans and goals and all that, but there's times where you get thrown a wrench gets thrown in there, and everything is just off from what you thought it was going to be. And so, um, you know, I think for me, it was knowing when I really genuinely in my heart knew the core of who I was and who God created me to be, I have a peace. I had just an overwhelming peace of not being, living in so much fear of I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going to happen. I genuinely knew and trusted. Okay, I might not be in control, but if I let the Lord be in control of my life, then and I stay close to him so I know where he's guiding me, then it's not as scary because somebody else that has way better track record than I do is in control. So it's kind of it was like I just handed over control to someone that was more trustworthy with that with my life than I, than I was. I don't know if that makes any sense. Um, because it didn't, it doesn't feel as much out of control. It just feels like somebody else that has the directions and the whole map and the whole picture and can see way more than I can see. They're the ones that are leading me and that, um, I have, I have more of a peace in that it's not as much of the chaos feeling like everything doesn't feel crazy. Um, because I know that he's going to lead me where we need to go. So agree. Agree wholeheartedly. Yeah. What you just disclosed right there or what you just talked about there. I think that's an interesting phase that everybody has to go through is just realizing, you know, um, you know, learning how to give up control, you know, in that, in acknowledging the fear of that, right? Because especially for a lot of us that are control freaks, you know, we're wired for, you know, making sure that everything's under our control, right? And it's not. Um, so we talked about, you know, this dark season and I want all the honeys out there that are listening. Dudes and gals that are listening right now are like, okay, I hear what you're saying, girl. I hear, I hear what you're talking about. I love what you're talking about here because I too am, you know, going through this season of life where I'm being brought to my knees and I just can't figure it out. Like I don't know what to do here. So something shifted with you, right? At some point you stop trying to fix it. And you talked a good deal about this already, but I want to start applying some, some actionable steps for, for folks that are, that are in your that either have dealt with that or good Lord, let me try that again, that have dealt with this or currently dealing with this, what are some wisdom that you can drop with them? You know, because for you, you seem to say, yes, you know, I had to learn how to surrender and fix it and just trust God with it. And that sounds simple to say out loud, right? And it does. I, I agree it does sounds simple to say out loud, but it is not simple to live, right? So walk us through what it actually looked like for you, you know, what did it look like to physically stop doing what did you have to stop controlling to make that shift real? So if we're looking at basic practical steps for me, when everything completely went sideways and I just felt like a crazy person and probably behaved like a crazy person at some point in there as well. Um, you know, I mean, I'm not gonna lie. You know, there's moments where you just break down and cry and everything's horrible. And I was probably crazy mom some days. And not knowing, you know, just the daily life doesn't feel like normal life. You know, when you are when anything crazy just hits you out of nowhere. Um, you know, major life change things and so. And plus I had a house full of, like, little, little people. Um, so I, I had, I had to have, I had to create a space for myself that it felt like, um, you know, it wasn't like I could just like, go and have a coffee with friends. I had six kids at home all the time. You know, young kids. Um, that's all the six, by the way. My oldest at the time was like ten, ten or eleven. So they were all like little, you know, that was my oldest. And so, um, yeah, it wasn't like I could just be like, oh, I'm just gonna go have coffee with friends and go figure this out. Like, I still had to one hundred percent be mom. I'm still like chopping up people's vegetables, you know? I mean, whatever, all of those daily things and, um, and homeschool and all those other things. And so I had to have some kind of space for myself that I felt like, um, I could have those conversations with God, the hard ones where I'm, you know, arguing, yelling, reading scripture, whatever it was. And so this is probably going to sound kind of weird, but I literally made like a space in my room, um, really like a closet area that I would just post scriptures. I would sit in journal and I would do that the late at night, after all my kids were in bed. Um, you know, thank the Lord, I had like a, that reminds me of a movie, but keep going. Yes. Well, even before that movie. So I was like, no, I need to have something because I knew I needed to surround myself with truth. And so for me, that was, I'm going to put scripture everywhere. Like, I mean, it's still all over my house. But in that season, immediately after, it was like three by five cards all over my walls. You know, like I just had to be surrounded with truth because I was so overwhelmed with all of the hard, all the sad, all of the chaos that I had to find something. So there was a lot of that. Um, I was very intentional. Like I already mentioned a little bit about the people that I allowed to have that closer space with me. And I, if I was having a really hard day, I would intentionally just make it. It was a choice, honestly, to say, I'm only going to call these people because I know they're going to pray with me, and they're not going to let me spiral out of control or do anything stupid or, you know. So it was very much a choice to say, this is who I know I need to surround myself with. Um, and again, it was just finding those, the truth and the encouragement and the good things that I needed. Um, this world will suck you in if you are in a difficult place and it will drag you down very, very easily. Yes. And I knew that I did not want that to happen because I knew it can happen really fast. Um, you know, no matter how strong you think you are, it will suck you in if you are not very intentional to run the other way, you know? And so I can't even say that it was my strength, because there was moments where I probably was completely going nuts and having meltdowns, and I was like, okay, I need to call this person. I can't even say anything. I'd just be like, hey, I'm having a horrible day. Just pray for me that I don't lose it, you know? So it was, it was, yeah. Um, there was, you know, I think that we find our, our strength sometimes through the weakness, like, okay, I was not strong in a lot of this. It was a literal, I don't have anything left and I need to surround myself with, um, you know, prayer with scripture, with other people in my life that are going to point me toward what I, the direction I want ahead, because I know there'll be a whole lot of moments that I'm not going to actually feel like that. And so that's what my support needs to be in that moment. And so surrounding myself with all of that made it a lot harder to fight back in those moments that I was like, I don't care about any of this. I don't want to be nice. You know? That's just reality. I'm with you. I'm. Yeah, no, I get it. That's just the human side of us, right? Um. I love what you just disclosed right here. So let me kind of just put this out there for or break it down into practical steps. So what I heard from you and correct me if I'm wrong is you talked about three main anchors, right? Scripture prayer and surrounding yourself with people that will keep you supported, encouraged and pray for pray prayerful, right? Um, and when I started to sneak in earlier, as you're talking about your closet, I was thinking about this as you're talking about your room and so forth, instantly brought to mind the movie War Room by the Kendrick brothers. Um, I so love that movie. Um, I forget the, the the, the elderly lady. Um, my gosh, I, I wish she could be my grandma. You know, in a way, um, because she, she's amazing, man. Um, but that is such an amazing movie. If you, those that are watching or listening, you're like, what is he talking about? Please stop. Stop this. No, no, don't stop this recording. Do it afterwards. Right. But watch that movie because I guarantee you, if you allow it, it will change your life. Um, and bring some tissue because it, it will bring a few tears, but, um, I, I love that, you know, having that space for you, I think is, is critical for everybody to have your own space where you can just lock in, right? You know, meditation, you know, prayer or both. And just be alone, be quiet. I think that's paramount for everybody myself. You know, I that's something I've had to do in my life. I life? I don't do it in my closet. Um, it's too small, but, um, I probably end up destroying it because I get claustrophobic sometimes in some of these, you know, closing spaces. But, um, but we all need this time and space for us just to be quiet, just listen, unwind, breathe, and, and be reminded of what we do have, right? We have people in our lives that keeps us growth focused, keeps us encouraged and supported. And that alone, right there is important for everybody. I, you know, please, if you feel like you're alone, reach out to somebody, you know, in lock in to your community, go to church. Uh, guys, this is not a, a religious thing. You know, this is more of like, just reach out and find somebody that can keep you in check. Be encouraged because people need you in, in this world and this blue marble, right? Because in that low point. You think that, man, life sucks right now? Yes it does, but there is another person behind you that needs your wisdom, that needs your growth, that needs your your strength that you just dealt with. Right? And so that's why I reminded of as I'm listening to you, honey, is I'm reminded of, you know, when my mom went through a lot of trials and tribulations and unfortunately, she didn't have that support. She didn't have that encouragement in her life. And, you know, that's what caused her rapid. Um, uh, I can't even associate the term with it right now, but, um, yeah, I, I can't even come up with a term, but I'm of the belief had she been more encouraged, more supported, had the right people in her life and actually leaned in with her relationship with God, she might be honest, she might be on this planet, I don't know. But you know, that's not something I can control. But, um, you again, you mentioned this three, three main anchors, and I want to break this practically, right? Because a lot of people are listening to us right now. And you specifically, I hope more so you than me. Um, in this current season, what does that actually look like? Take us on an average day, right? Wednesday. Sunday. Tuesday. Monday. What does that day look like in your world where you're actually applying these three anchors? I don't know that I have a normal day. Just going to be honest there. Do we ever know? I have a very full house and a very full life. And at this point, um, you know, I've got three teenagers and kids about to graduate and all kinds of other life things, so it's a little crazy. Um, yeah, no, very much still. Those are core anchors. I don't like I said, I still have scripture actually on probably every every room in my house probably has some scripture. It's not as excessive because I mean, it was like I had hundreds of three by five cards. Maybe I need to do that sometime anyway. But, um, you know, I still make sure that my home is a place that is, um, prayed over and that is surrounded with truth and the word of God because I feel like that's so good not only for me, but it's my kids as they're growing up. Um, you know, in a home that is probably less not, not what they would have hoped for either. Um, but you know, they know they are loved and they know that they have a heavenly father that looks out for them. And so constant reminders of that. Um, you know, being able to pray with my kids at night is important. Um, just me spending daily time in prayer and in the word of God and those moments where I feel like I don't have a lot, you know, there's audio Bible and there's, you know, little verses that are whatever. It's just making sure that I don't ever neglect those things. Because honestly, that's where I find my strength. And there are moments and seasons that you feel like, oh my goodness, I'm getting so busy. You know, life, all these things, it's, you know, we're human. And there's times where we have those seasons where things get crazy. But I can tell in the moments that I've not been spending enough time with the Lord or in Scripture or whatever, and everything just doesn't feel the same amount of peace. It just feels like that stuff starts to get a little crazy. And I'm like, okay, you know what? I need to take a pause here and make sure I'm doing these things. Um, yeah, you know, very intentional still, I still have some of those same friends that have been through everything with me through since day one that I talked to them multiple times a week, whether it's a text, a phone call or something, they check in on me, I check in on them, you know, just life stuff. But, um, you know, we weren't, we were created for community. We were created to not live life alone. And if you don't choose that, then it's way easier to spiral than if you do. So that is that also has been very key still. Um, just to make sure that I agree. Um, and you have to be intentional, you can't just kind of hope that everything will be there, there has to be some intentionality. Um, very grateful for friends that are, you know, if they get busy or I get busy, none of us are mad or whatever. But it is really nice to know that anytime I need something. Honestly, even like today, some stuff came up today and I was like, hey, you got a few minutes? Can you chat? You know, call a friend up and, um, wanted to make sure like, hey, can you just be praying about this? There's a circumstance and I just need somebody else to be praying. My first conversation was with the Lord and then I'm like, then I got a call a friend and hey, you know, I could use some godly wisdom or at least some prayer if you have no idea what to say. So, um, it's really important, I think. Yeah, I, yeah, I agree. And I'm, I don't know if you feel this way and I'd love to hear your input on this, but I think it's also in the times when you think you're good is when you especially need to lock in on, on those disciplines, on those tactics because you know, you think you're good, right? And you're like, oh, I'm good today. I'm locked in. I'm feeling good. Right? But I, I think that's just, you know, your, your brain trying to keep you safe or maybe there's something else going on in your mind or in your, in your body that's, you know, that keeps you, I don't know, I can't associate a term with it, but I just believe that on, on those days, you feel like, oh, I'm good, I'm locked in and so forth. I don't need to, you know, pray or I don't need to get into the scripture or I don't need to text my friend or so forth. I'm, I'm of the belief that those are the days you especially need to lock in, right? It's that that's part of our human nature to, to again, go back to the control. I can do it on my own. I'm fine. I don't need help. I don't need, you know, and that's not really a I think that, you know, society or human nature, I don't know. But I think that we've just learned we feel like that's strength. If I can do everything on my own that I'm strong where really, um, I think it's, I think it takes a lot more strength for you to actually acknowledge that I can't do it. And sometimes I do need support, encouragement, prayer, whatever that is. Um, you know, I think it's a lot harder to acknowledge that in any, any form. So yeah, real quick before we keep going, if you've been listening to this conversation and something hit a nerve, if something we talked about made you pause, or you felt that little tug in your chest, like, man, that one was for me, I want you to lean into that for a second. Don't just brush it off. Because here's the thing. Conversations like this. Yes, they're great and I love doing this show, I really do. But if I'm being real with you, a conversation can only take you so far. At some point, you got to stop nodding along and actually do something with that feeling. So here's what I want you to do. I want to personally invite you to something we built called the Reforged Challenge. It's a live five day experience I created specifically for people like you, high performers who know they're capable of more. But something got knocked sideways in the old playbook. Just stopped working. Or maybe life smacked you in the face with a two by four that you just didn't see coming. Maybe the fire just dimmed and you can't figure out how to reignite it. Five days, five real identity shifts. Live coaching, real community in the kind of honest conversations that actually move the needle. Not just another thing you consume and forget by Friday. Listen, you're not broken. You're just in between versions. And I love for you to come see what we've built. Head on over to the reforge challenge dot com again. Reforge challenge dot com. Check it out. See if it speaks to you. And if it does, I'll see you inside. All right, let's get back to it. I agree, and that's where ego and pride get in the way, right? That's where ego and pride. Because you think you've you know, you think you know it all or you think you've got it under control or what have you. And again, it goes back to what we were talking about earlier. You know, when you start getting a little when that pride and that ego starts to kind of set in, you know, guys like, I gotta do this again because you didn't learn the last time. That's not fun, right? Don't do that. No it's not. You know, those tests. You know, he he keeps you going through those tests until he's like, all right, you've passed. You can go to the next level, right? Um, let's, let's harp on, on something that, that I personally love. I talked about this in the early part of this, but we didn't say it in this way. You said it on your bio or in your intake. You said stories have eternal impact. That's a bold statement, and I would love to hear you talk more about this, because you built an entire company around that belief. Why do you think so many people who have a story worth telling actually never tell it? Um, revelation. And I don't remember the the verse, but it's in revelation. We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. And I think that part of our testimony, our story of what God has done in our life, I think is so powerful. That's how we overcome so much, obviously, by what Jesus did for us. But there is a tremendous amount of power in us saying, hey, here's what God's done in my life. And I think so many people, there's probably a lot of reasons, but I think a lot of people are, um, you know, just a few off the top of my head. They're scared that of what people are going to think. You know, because there's that. Here's my whole persona. This is everything's perfect. Honestly, even for me as a perfectionist, as someone who is like, oh, I have this nice little life and a family and homeschool and whatever, and then all of a sudden for everything to just go completely to just falling apart, crumble to pieces. It was really hard for me to ever start sharing what happened because there's that, oh, I don't want people to see this version of, you know, myself, my husband, my family, whatever. I didn't want to do that. There's that protection. You know, even social media people usually show the best parts because you don't want them to see the ugly. And so highlight reels. So I think there's definitely a part of that. And I also think that people struggle with thinking, what does it matter? Like my story is not that important. And so maybe feeling like whatever they've gone through isn't really going to help anybody. And let me just tell you, anything that you've gone through. There is somebody else that either has gone through or is going through or will go through at some point. So there's always parts of your story and what God has carried you through that you can use to help others. Um, scripture talks about there being like, you know, God has comforted us through different trials and circumstances so that we can be a comfort to others. And so, um, you know, there's so much impact by sharing those, that's how people can overcome. They can get through difficulties because they've seen, um, I did, there's a few podcasts that I would watch and people that I would listen to that were having just different marriage things and, you know, people dealing with, um, you know, their veteran spouses that had gone through different things and I would just consume those, um, you know, all like people that were pointing to scripture and pointing to Jesus again, that same kind of thing. But I consumed those of like, I want to know how they made it through and how they survived, you know, and how they did all these things. And what did they do to kind of carry themselves through, because parts of their story were encouraging to me along the way. and that was so important and I'm so grateful. They don't know who I am. I don't know who they are. Just watch their stuff. But it was all for me. It was like a lifeline on some in some moments. In some days. I need to, you know, whatever it is, read this email, listen to this podcast, watch this YouTube thing, whatever it is that's going to give me encouragement, especially this one especially. Hopefully, hopefully somebody will have, you know, some inspiration here, but I just know how important it was for me and that so much of all those little pieces have all God has used them all to carry my family to where we are, where I'm not living in a wallowing mess. I am still able to homeschool. I'm still able to be spend time with my kids and point them to the Lord. And, um, you know, even though our circumstances don't really look different, you know, in some aspects, we've all also grown closer. My kids literally on any given day, you can go up to them and they will tell you what they've been reading in their Bible. I don't make them do it. It's not even schoolwork. They just pull up their Bible and start reading stuff and talk to me about it. And it's the coolest thing because it's awesome. Um, you know, them seeing me do that, them encouraging them. Hey, I don't have all the answers, but here's where you can find more answers because I can't tell you. You know, sometimes life is just hard. And hopefully this will encourage you, you know, and they, they do that now. Um, and so for me, that's, that's huge. I, I agree, you know, and you hit on some amazing points, especially when you mentioned your kids because one thing I failed to mention, um, is, you know, your kids are authors too, right? And I think that's amazing to hear, you know, because, you know, that's inspiring for, for your kids to get out there and share, you know, their perspective or share their story and share their share their heart, right. Especially in a world where we've had, you know, you look at kids nowadays, what do they have in their hand? It's not a book. You know, it's there. It's their phone or it's some other electrical or electrical digital device. So that's very inspirational that you you've nurtured your kids. I don't know if all of them are, but nurture your kids into being authors, sharing their heart, sharing their story. And I hope that alone is inspirational. But let me, let me dive into two areas that you you brought up because I know I can resonate with this personally, because you mentioned about fear and or insignificance of the story that the person has. Right? So talk to this person. I'm going to give you sixty to 90s to fire this person up. Fire this honey up that is listening to you right now because they probably actually, no, not probably they have a story that they need to share. Either that or an experience that, that, that they had or maybe the experience that they were exposed to. We all have stories, right? So please take some time. Talk to this person that has fear that is that their their heart is like, you know, trembling right now. Their palms are sweaty, kind of like mine are right now. Um, but talk to that person. It feels like their story is insignificant or it's not significant enough to be heard, or their fear of being rejected or their fear of just, you know, yeah, just feeling rejected. Talk to that person. Encourage that person. The first thing that came to mind when you brought this up was the story of Moses. I don't know how inspirational this is, but this is what came to mind. So I'm going to share it. Um, when God called Moses to get the Israelites out of Egypt, these people were in captivity. It was his people. They were living as slaves. They were in these horrible circumstances. And he called Moses to get them out of there. And Moses is like, yeah, God, I don't speak. Well, if you go back and read this story back, I exodus should be, um, and, and he literally gives. It's like so many excuses. I don't speak well, like he had a stutter. Um, you know, it's not really me. You should have somebody else do it. There was like excuse after excuse after excuse. And every one of those excuses, God came back with, well, here's what I'll do. Here's how I'll use that. Anyway, here's, you know, I'll, I'll give you support. I'll do this. And then he basically is like, Moses, you're the one that I called to do it. You just need to go do it, you know, and, and look at what Moses was able to do with that obedience. Now he stumbled along in obedience to God is not always an easy thing. Honestly, in my experience, it rarely is. But he was able to bring these people out of slavery and captivity and was able to change the history or the future of a nation because he was obedient to God, because he said, okay, even though I'm scared, even though I don't think I'm the best at this, somebody else is going to do a better job. God said, do it. And he stumbled over all his excuses and finally he did it. And God's people were set free because of that. And I think there is so much power in you actually obeying. If God says, if God has put something on your heart, this is something that I know that you can encourage and inspire other people with. This is for you, you know. This is for whether it was for me, it's for my kids that are authors, whether it's for you, Carl, whoever is listening to this, if God has said you need to do this, then I promise you there is favor on the other end of that obedience. Now, I'm not I don't know if God's told whoever to do something, but if he has, he will put favor on that obedience and somebody's life, maybe lots of somebody's lives will be impacted and changed because you chose to do that. Um, I know that's what has been for me, honestly, the first book that I released and again, part of this was just me digging into scripture and finding like, what does God say about this and this? And I wrote a book and that was like it was in twenty twenty. So almost six years ago now it released and I am still selling tons of copies. I don't even promote it. God has just put favor on that. Thousands of copies have sold because God was like, this is a message and I wanted you to get it out. And so I did it. And I didn't do it with the goal of like, I'm going to be some world famous author or sell millions of copies. I just was like, I want to be obedient. And if I feel like God's telling me to do this, I'm going to do it. So yeah. Okay. Awesome. I love that you brought up Moses because I've talked about this numerous times, but what's the name of that book? Because I want everybody that's listening right now or watching my book. Well, after the. Yeah. So my first, my first book was Girl Read Your Bible. Um. That was my first one. My daughter has that. Yes, my daughter has that book. Wow. So I that one. And then, um, later, after my family had gone through all these crazy circumstances and I felt like it was okay to actually share my story. Um, I also released a book called Not Abandoned, and that is literally pointing out that scripture carried me so much. It's like second Corinthians four eight, I think. But that scripture of, you know, we're hard pressed on every side. We have all of these things that are coming at us. You are not abandoned. And so helping me to know my identity and that even though it felt like our circumstances that we had been abandoned, God was like, that's not who you are. That's not your identity. Um, and it's just a little about, about our, our family's story, but it really was about how much he's carried us through just the goodness of God, the lessons that we've learned. Because again, you can't control what happens to you, but you can choose your responses. And so I wanted it to be, I don't want my story to be like, everything is really sad, this poor lady. I want it to be like, look at what God did in their life. Look how amazing God is. Yeah. And how much he's carried them through. So that was really important to me. Yeah, I love it. What you said reminds me of a phrase I hear Ed Mylett talk about a lot. Um, he talks one of the things that I'm reminded of, as you just said, that it's like life doesn't happen to you. Life. Life happens for you, right? And everything that happens in your life, it's it's for you. You just gotta learn how to process it and, and do it in such a way that you're, you're, it's, it's not from a victim mindset. It's from a mindset, right? So honey, this is, this has been an amazing conversation. I'm going to rapid fire through some of the things that we talked about in our green room. So be ready for this. But, um, because I feel like we could talk for a lot longer, but, uh, you know, fortunately or unfortunately, depending on perspective, I got a call right after this, but honey, you said simply put, because I love to talk about everybody's perspective on their own definition of grit, right? And you said grit is simply not giving up and moving forward one step at a time. Um, I want to push a little bit on that because on the hardest day of that season, the day you almost didn't take that next step, what made you take it anyways? Um, I would have to say, honestly, it's the grace of God that carried me through that because there were definitely moments where I would just melt in a puddle. And as much as it's good and you do have community and you have that, um, not everybody's always available, you know, you can't expect somebody to be available. Twenty four seven and, um, moments where I would just, um, you know, have that argument with God of like, I don't really want to talk. I don't really want to listen to what you have to say. I'm just going to yell at you because I'm really, this doesn't feel fair. It's not right. It's awful. It's hard. Whatever the conversation was, and there were moments that I would just, um, I love that God can take it though, you know, he can handle he can handle whatever you got to throw at him. But in his goodness, it's like he just carried me through till the next day. And honestly, sometimes just sleep is all you need to as a refresh, you know? All right, I'm just going to take a little Take a little nap and I'll be fine tomorrow. Um, you know, tomorrow's another day. I think a lot of it was just that because I think it was so important to me that I was surrounding myself, you know, um, with the, the scriptures, the, the friends, the whatever. But in those moments where you don't have a lot of that or you're trying to push that away because it's just, you know, it's just hard. And then I really think it was just the grace of God that carried me through because honestly, maybe, maybe a little my kids too, that motivation of, ah, I can't, I can't quit. I can't stop because they need me. You know, there was a little bit of that motivation obviously thrown in there as well. As a parent, I think most people would connect with that of like, ah, they're watching what I'm doing and I don't want to fail any more than I feel like I have, you know? So yeah, I love that you use that as an example, right? I mean, we're, we're example for, for families, either good or bad. I mean, they're going to follow your path. If you're, you know, if you're the type of person who gives up, well, you know, they're going to follow suit, right? So, um, in this season or in recent times, I have been focused more so on subtraction than addition. What I mean by that is you hear constant talks about adding new systems, processes, strategies, habits, tasks, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? But growth also requires subtraction, right? So what is one thing in this current season you're dealing with? What is one thing you've had to unlearn or unbelief? Yeah. Grammar police, you know, whatever. But what is one thing you're working to remove or subtract so you can level up and move forward? Um, probably just on a personal level, you know, my kids are growing, they're teenagers. They're getting to the point where they're going to be, you know, launching into adulthood before, before. I'm ready. Before too long. You know, are we ever. Are we ever. Um, and I think for me, a lot of it is just. I don't know if this makes sense, but just the streamlining of just not saying yes to everything because I want to make sure that I'm saying yes to the right things. And so, um, you know, I don't know, I don't know if there's anything specific or particular, but just making sure whatever I'm doing is I'm very selective as to what we do and don't do. Um, and it doesn't, it's not really like on a control level. It's just that I don't want to be so overloaded that we miss what we have. We miss the moment that we're in. We miss whatever God has for us. Um, and so I think some of it is just that streamlining and making sure that I don't say yes to every single thing. Um, I say yes to the things that I feel like are right for our family in this season and what's best for, for all of us. So I think that's amazing that you're learning. Because what that reminds me of is a book called Boundaries by Doctor Henry Cloud. I'm familiar with that or not. But, you know, learn how to say, you know, yes to the right things and no to the ones that you have no business, you know? And, uh, it's an excellent read if you haven't. You know, those are watching or listening. Please read it because it's been profound for me in my life in different seasons I'm navigating. But, um, when you're in the trenches and you're, you're feeling like you're just getting kicked in the gut or punched in the gut, whichever. Uh, what is one quote or directive you find yourself championing yourself through in that moment you're dealing with either in that moment, a week, month, year, or seems like forever, what is that one directive or quote that really resonates with you? I alluded a little bit to this earlier, but really it's second Corinthians four eight. The, um, you know, we're hard pressed on every side. We're perplexed, but not in despair. I'm probably going to mix them up. But you know that the part of we are not abandoned. And for me, I have to constantly be reminded, you know, that even though the difficulties are going to feel like you're being crushed sometimes and it's going to feel like it's overwhelming and it's a lot. I'm constantly reminding myself that God is walking through through this with me. You know, he doesn't always take away the difficulties. He will walk through them with you and help you navigate them. Um, and so for me, I, I think it's just a lot of times I have to constantly be reminded I'm not abandoned. I'm not doing this on my own. You know, God loves me. I'm his child and he has a purpose for me. And so he is going to take me through all of those difficult moments, all those difficult things, and walk through it. Um, just a reminder for me of knowing that I've not been left to my own devices because if anybody has ever had to raise kids on your own, you kind of feel like you're alone. I mean, I have a very, I have a wonderful support system, but again, they're not there twenty four over seven. It's yeah, it's still like one hundred percent my decisions on how I'm going to handle this conversation and this argument that somebody's having and this, you know, whatever the meltdown is about for the day. And so, um, just the reminder that I, I'm really, I don't have to do all that on my own, I think has been huge for me. That's awesome. Thanks for sharing that. Now in the green room as we wrap up, I kind of gave you the heads up about the pass forward question. Right. So before I ask you what you would would love to ask my next guest as we close this up, my previous guest had this question for you. And those are watching listening. I always offer love to offer the opportunity to get some insight on my next guest. And there is no heads up, right? It's completely anonymous. Nobody knows who's who on the guest list unless my assistant's, you know, taking some bribes. And no, she's not out for a bid. Um, but, uh, my previous guest had this question for you. And so far every question has been perfect. Um, so my previous guest had this for you. If you could do anything for two hours a week and not get paid for it, what would you do? And the second part of this, because it was actually two questions, I should have actually forced him to narrow it down to one question, but. And what's stopping you from doing it? Oh, goodness. Anything for two hours a week and not get paid. Yeah, man, if you could do anything if for two hours a week and not get paid for it, what would you do? And what's stopping you from doing it? I mean, on a professional level, honestly, I'm already doing that. Like I would still do what I'm doing and not get paid, I love it. I mean, maybe don't tell that to people that need my help. Um, all right, I'll tell my editor, make sure we edit that part out. Um, I'm just saying, like, that's how much I love what I'm doing. I feel like it's just the right fit and that's where I'm supposed to be. And I think that maybe that's how you know that you're in the right spot is when you would, I would do it for free. I mean, you know, I don't know for my, my family or something, I would, um, still got bills to pay, but that from, from like a professional standard, that's what I would do. I all the other stuff I would love, um, to do more things, you know, just like fun stuff with my kids or I would love to, I would love to give more. Um, and that probably comes partially from the heart of we've had so many people just knock our socks off with blessings that were always unexpected, never asked for. And I want to get to a point, and I hope and pray that my business will get me to a point that I can just do that for other people, that I can be a massive blessing. Because if I could just spend hours of my week every week going and just, you know, taking care of people's needs, um, loving on people, whatever that looks like. I love doing that. So yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. I don't know if that's, I don't know what's stopping me from doing that? Maybe. Just I'm working towards that. I'm building towards hopefully that's, you know, the goal. To be able to be generous in a way that people have been with our family over the last few years. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's, uh, I'm reminded of a story. You know, that's for a later conversation. But if you haven't watched the video between Alex and, uh, Tony Robbins, it's very inspirational. So talking about what you were just talking about giving back, you know, because that's what inspired Tony Robbins expansion in his massive growth wasn't about business. You know, it was about impact. It was, you know, how how many people he can impact, right? So. Well, awesome. Uh, honey, you you really showed up and and, and not just showed us the amazing reveal of this amazing homeschool mom, this wonder woman that we see. You know, I just imagine this Wonder Woman shield behind honey for a moment, because that's the person I see. You know, that's built this, this fast growing company helping people get their story out. Homeschool mom. Despite the season, she came, you know, doing this solo. And so I appreciate you sharing this. You know, I really do because I know there's a lot of people out there and I definitely learned from you. I took some good notes and I really hope that people are listening and watching and understanding that they too, you know, there's hope for them. There's a story for them. They just need to, you know, step out of step into faith and take an action on it. Right? Absolutely. Um, and I respect you for coming on here and really allowing us to see beneath the scenes and showing us some of the darkness you had to go through to get where you are, you know, and, uh, because if you look on social media, that's you, that's all you see is highlight reels. So for the person listening who feels like they have a story or message worth sharing, or maybe they want to share it, but they're like, honey, I'm too scared. Where's the best place to find you? You know, so they can learn more about you. Or maybe they just want to join along in your journey and be a friend or help encourage you. Where can they find more about you? Yeah. So you can find out more about what I do and reach out to me through my website. Kingdom Ink Publishing. Com it's ink I n k um, so that's the best way to reach me. Awesome. Well, we'll definitely be dropping those in the show notes. I'm glad you clarified ink because a lot of people like, okay, Corporated ink. Okay, gotcha. It's I ink like you're writing a book. Yes. You mean back when I ancestors used. Yes, yes. Um, awesome. Awesome. Kingdom ink publishing dot com. Yes, guys, we'll be dropping that in the show notes along with social media. You know, that she put in her bio. So again, guys, for those that are watching, you know that the this or the, the, the gap between average and excellence is just taking action. So guys, don't just listen, sit here, listen, honey, and be inspired and encouraged for a moment. Right? Take one thing that she shared today and use it. Be the reason that somebody doesn't quit today. Keep. Don't keep this episode yourself. Please share this with your circle community or someone right now. Send it to them because you can definitely. There's one nugget of information. It could be the one of the three acres. You should talk about scripture, prayer and community. So just take one action that you commit to today and do it. So honey, thank you again for stepping Irina today. I really appreciate and honor you for for coming up today. Thanks for having me, Carl.