The Grit Factor Podcast w/ Karl Jacobi

TGFP Audio Ep 32

00:00:00 Speaker: Average is the enemy of greatness. Comfort is the enemy of growth. Welcome to the Grit Factor podcast, where we strip away the highlight reel and get into the darkness beneath it. The real stories, the real battles, and the battle plans used to conquer them. I'm your host, Carl Jacobi, combat vet, entrepreneur, resilience and performance coach, keynote speaker, husband and father. I've built, scaled, and exited multiple companies totaling over forty million in revenue. But here's what that highlight reel doesn't show you. Life has been smacking me in the face with a two by four since I was just five years old. Broken home. Constant chaos. No playbook. No safety net. Just grit. And if you're anything like me. You know, you've got another level in you, in your business, your career, your faith, your leadership. You're just not sure how to get there. That's exactly why we're here. Be sure to follow me for more great content, and check out my website success with Karl dot com. Now that's Karl with a K. Now let's get to work. All right, welcome back to another episode. And today we are joined by a true badass. And when I see this, you're about to hear why over. I don't know if you've seen this, but she's like all giddy and everything. You should have heard her. The energy and just the conversations before we even hit record. But this is why she is a badass. She's the founder of badass Queen Personal Branding and Media Agency, and see the Sparkle Queens brand host of the Unapologetically Badass podcast. Author of Watch Me A Memoir Meets Manifesto, built around her own Watch Me method, which is something I'm really eager to hear more about. A per liter at Bella Grace global generated over thirteen million dollars in retail sales through the organizations she has built. Featured on Fox, NBC, CBS, CW, and Telemundo, her brand has been on the Nasdaq Billboard in Times Square. Top Empowerment Coach of the year in twenty twenty five at the International Association of Top Professionals. Now, as if that wasn't enough, wait. There's more. Today, she teaches women, especially women over forty, how to build personal brands, grow their influence online, and stack multiple streams of income that fund their freedom. Right? And underneath the resume sits a story of bankruptcy, divorce, and all the good juicy stuff that we kind of want to hear in the kind of family pain that most people just put on the microphone or do not put on a microphone. So Renee Fleming, my friend, I'm so like, I'm so excited to dive in today. Welcome to the show. Thank you so much. Thank you for that wonderful intro, I appreciate it. Yeah, absolutely. Man, I, I was already getting excited, you know, going over your bio just before, you know, you walked, you came into the green room and as we started to talk, you just feel the energy, right? You can just feel, you know, the presence. And I was already getting excited. So, you know, let's, let's dive in because we only have a short period of time, unfortunately. Right? But, you know, take me back, you know, you take the audience back before the badass Queen brand, before you know, the millions of dollars in sales before the Times Square billboard. Paint us the picture of the version of you that did not yet exist. That is, what did your wife what did your life look like back then? So I, I was I am a mom. I can't say I was, I am a mom will always be a mom. I went through, um, you know, a stage of my life where I was a stay at home mom. And I had given up my career so that I can raise my girls as, as a married couple. We made that decision. What I found was I lost a lot of me through that process. Not that I regret it. I was thrilled to be mom. I went in that like, I want to be soccer mom, dance mom. I want to be that cool mom. I will, you know all of that. But I found that when I, when I stopped working a corporate job, I felt like I needed to justify my existence. So I, you know, signed up for all the PTO and the volunteer and the church and anything that I could do to make me feel like I was, you know, important or I had value because I didn't feel that at home. Go through a divorce, stay at home mom. I don't have a college education. So I was very successful in a corporate world because I had fricking grit and I worked my ass off. Mhm. But knowing that I was out of that structure for so many years, it would be very difficult to get back in. But I was also at that point where I wanted to still be mom. I wanted to give my kids the life that we promised that we were going to give them. And so I didn't want things to change. Now, I started, like a lot of people. I was a dance mom and a lot of women that find themselves like, okay, now what? Maybe try a little bit of network marketing. Not that I was really like, okay, let me do this, but I, as a dance mom, we were using Swarovski crystals on all the costumes and everything. And I love bling and I love, you know, bougie and all that. So I found out that Swarovski had a direct selling division and I went, okay. Oh, okay. Maybe I could use this as a means to help other women fundraise to offset all those costs that are associated with, with dance, competitive dance programs and soccer programs. And when we were traveling all the time for all the games and sure, I can relate. Yeah, so did it all. And so I started that and I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know if I could sell a bracelet, let alone build an organization. I knew I was a manager before I was a director, before I knew I could lead people, but didn't know if I could lead women in that business. And it also had a very, um, you know, I had to figure out very early on what was going to make me different than anyone else in that role as a consultant. So I was doing personal branding before I even knew what personal branding was. I was just like, I love on everyone you do you, but I need to be me and be authentic. Yeah, I had to. So I built, I became, I became somebody who I felt like I needed to be. So I kind of had that imposter syndrome because I was not the, you know, the craft and I could like, do this. I mean, I can be that, but that's really not me. And so when I tried to be someone I'm not, I was like struggling. So I became sparkle queen and everyone knew sparkle Queen. And then that grew into, you know, I see it, I see it, yes. So I was like, okay, I'm going to be sparkle queen. And like, I was like, own it. This is who I am. And then it felt good. And then I, I actually sponsored the Miss America organization. Me like little. Right. And so nice because of grit and determination. Yeah. When I went through the divorce, so many people around me, including the ex at the time, really did not think I could succeed. He especially didn't think I could tie my shoes without him. So. And he was very successful. Did you use that as fire? I would fire, if you don't mind. Use that as fire. Right. I'm also. Oh, so that's where the watch Me came out, right? Because I was. There you go. You don't think I can. Watch me. And so I wrote those two words on post-its and put it all over my office. I put it in my bathroom on my mirror. My car. You don't think I can watch me? You think I'm going to fail? Watch me. And so that became my like, don't mess with me. And then so yes, so that fueled me. And it ended up turning into like in reflection, you know, years because it's been over thirteen years now. And as I reflected on it when I wrote the second book, Watch Me, I was like, okay, this is. Actually, this was my business philosophy. And if you break down, watch me kind of how I built my business is the W is to withdraw from explanation. A is act before approval. T take up space publicly. C is commit without consensus and H is hold a vision when no one else does. Oh, that's so good. Thank you. That is so good. So yeah, I was like fueled by this. But that's really if you break it down and go, this is how you build with grit and determination. Watch me. I love that I, when I read your bio and your intake and I saw the watch and as I said it out loud, and then I hear you say it again about two years ago, it actually has been two years, man. Time flies. I went to I invested into a mastermind, uh, with, uh, Ben Newman and to, and invested in, you know, programs. He has to help us find our, you know, he calls the burn, right? Find your burn, your fuel, your fire. And, uh, for me, for most of my life, it was watch me. I in my watch me burn was trying to prove my mother wrong because she told me that I would never be successful. That I would never like. It was just not in our bloodline. It wasn't in our name. And so for, I don't know, twenty, thirty, actually almost thirty years, man, I've gotten old, um, or seasoned, seasoned. Yes. Yeah. Seasoned, uh, that I was trying to fill a void to prove somebody wrong. Yeah. But in my experience, though, that only lasts for a period of time. Yeah. Right. They only last for a period of time. Then what? Right, right, right. Um. It's so good though. I, I love what you said there. But see exactly what you that I relate to that because when I was a child, so my, my biological father had committed suicide when I was a kid. I was like six or seven years old. So I don't really have much remembrance of him. But I do remember my mom struggling as a single mom with two daughters. And then, you know, we were very blessed. She got remarried to a wonderful man, my stepdad. With that, we lived in a tenement house. We lived on the second floor. They owned the house. His family, his parents lived downstairs, my grandparents, but living in a two bedroom, one bath with two girls, mom and dad, they decide to have children. Beautiful. I've got wonderful brothers. Yeah, but that meant my sister and I slept on the pullout sofa in the living room. Mhm. And so the, the trajectory of our life and the expectation was, you know, you go graduate high school and then, Renee, you should go to like secretarial school and become a secretary and, you know, live like that and collect your, your pension and get your social Security check and die a slow death. And I was like, you know, so the same thing, like I had this fuel going, I, I love on them and I appreciate the sacrifices that we all had to go through. However, that's not the life I want to live. Agree. So what do I have to do to not do that? I couldn't afford to go to college. I took some classes. I did that while I worked, but it was that whole, I'm just going to work harder than the other person and I'm going to outwork them. And one thousand percent. And I think so many kids get put into that. I'm going to go on tangents, but so many kids get pulled into that college. Like, you have to go to college, you have to get the degree. And it's like, fuck that. No, you don't need to go into one hundred thousand dollars debt in order to be successful. Now, if you want to be a surgeon, yeah, you bet your ass you better go to school because you ain't going to do surgery on me. But yeah, you know. Exactly, exactly. Know you hit a very good point there. I'm right there with you. Um, and I've had some pretty tense conversations about this topic because there is this illusion for so many years where there is this perception that we have to have a college degree in order to be successful. You know, and I've heard multi millionaires and billionaires, not many, but say the same thing, oh, you got to go to school in order to be successful. Wrong. Right? Like, why am I going to take, you know, a business class from somebody standing on stage talking about business when they have not owned one percent any, any business, they've never ran a business. They never even been in business. So run by me one more time. Um, now to your point, I agree. If there are trades that you do need a college degree, right? Being a lawyer, being a surgeon, you know, stuff of that nature. One hundred percent. But for business for, you know, like colleges and universities sets up the youth on purpose for failure. And that's heartbreaking. It really is because they go down this path, they go down this journey. And at the end, they hold this piece of paper that is, quite frankly, worthless. Yeah. Yep. We're absolutely worthless. I mean, I, I know we could talk a whole lot, just probably about all the classes that should be taking that they don't teach them how to freaking do balance a checkbook, invest in stock market, real estate investment, like do smart things. But no, let's, let's teach them how rocks are created. And like you, we're forcing you to do this, or we're forcing you to take a film class because we want you to explore. Like you don't need that shit. You need the practical stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, sorry. One hundred percent. How do you know to to check your your tire or your tires? How to, you know how to do you know how to cook, how to wash dishes, how to, you know, all of those things. I don't know about you, but when I was in school, they actually had what was called home. Home. Home economics. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right. They taught you some basic life skills. Um, I think that's so far out the freaking window. It's not funny, but, um. Yeah, that's a great point. Well, I'm aging myself too here, so. Yeah. Let's go. Oh my gosh. Hilarious. Well, you wrote on your intake and I'm going to quote you back to yourself. Right. Bankruptcy, divorce and estrangement. Um, the three of the heaviest words in the English swing in English language. And you put them in a row like a list. So take me to the first one. Walk me through the moment you realize the money, you know, you realize the money was gone. Where were you? You know, who knew? What was the first sentence you said out loud after you understood it was real? Well, and that's the thing. I go back to being young. This happened before marriage. I didn't have a relationship with money because we never had any. So once I started working there and then started spending money, I was like, oh, I want this and I want the fur coat and I want to do this. And then, you know, people there was people in my life that were like, oh, you're making money, can I borrow money and borrow credit? And then I would put things on my credit card because I was then helping them. And then I found myself going, I don't know how to manage money. Like that's something I need to learn. So it managed you. It managed me one thousand percent. So then I really had to like at that point, I felt like I needed to file for bankruptcy because I couldn't find my way out of it. Um, makes sense. And so I did. And, you know, I was a, I was a kid. I mean, I was nineteen, twenty years old when that happened. Um, and, you know, obviously then made sure that I had a better relationship with money and like, you know, what do I need to learn about money in order to have an appreciation that money is not the end all, be all. It's just the, it just gives us some freedom and flexibility. And you know, that in of itself is priceless. But, um, so I had to learn from there. And, you know, I'm glad that I did because I look at all of the shit that we go through and reflect, like, what did I learn from it? How did I grow from it? Right. Yes. Was I embarrassed by it? Absolutely. But in hindsight, I think a lot of that has to do with age and experience. You know, I look back and go, I really learned and I didn't go through that. I wouldn't be where I am now, and I wouldn't have the relationship I have with money. Right? So bankruptcy, divorce, as hard as that was. I mean, you don't go into a marriage and say, you know, yes, after seventeen years of marriage, I want to get a divorce. No. But when shit happens, you go like, okay, what did I do as part of this relationship or what didn't I do? Because you have to look back on that as well. And I'm not going to put the onus on one person. So it takes two to tango. And, you know, there are things that I learned about myself that I was like, okay, I don't like this aspect, or maybe I could have handled this better. Um, but it was, it's a time of reflection and, you know, you learn and you grow from it. But I that's yeah, that's a great point. I'm glad you segue into that because that was going to be my next thing, right? Because you talked about the divorce aspect. And I think a lot of people I know my not my previous guest, but a couple of guests before that was a big part of his life was a divorce, you know? Um, so yeah, then it comes to divorce, right? Different type of pain, different costs, you know? Yeah. And, uh, anybody who goes through a divorce. I will just give one tip of advice. Go for it. Get a fucking lawyer. Don't. Do not go through mediation. Okay. So, yes, there's Renee going. Okay, now I'm over forty at the time, right? Through divorce, I was over forty, my daughters were twelve and nine. And I was like, okay, I gotta reinvent myself. And that's where, you know, I started the businesses or started the business. Yeah, that's a great point there. So actually, walk me through what the, what the divorce actually took from you, like what it actually take not the assets part. I mean, that's something we can always, you know, you know, get back, you know, maybe not exactly, but, you know, the version of yourself that you had to bury and to move into the friendships that didn't survive. You know, the story you've been telling yourself, like, what was that? You know, what was that like? Well, that was the hardest thing is because you really recognize who is going to be in your corner and who feels like, you know, know now that now it's not two people. I can't pick sides. So I'm going to pick none. And you know, it could be it could be very lonely. And it was very lonely. So, you know, I poured what I thought, I poured myself into business and my and my two girls, that's what I did. Um, I learned a lot, grew a lot, failed a lot, you know, in both parenting and in business. Because I can relate, you know, there's no, there's no rule book. I did the best I can. And when I say I did the best I can, I know I'm going to just state this back. I'm a great mom. There are. Yes you are. Definite times in my in my parenting that I could go like, oh shit, maybe I shouldn't have said that. Or maybe I, I could relate, shouldn't have, you know, acted that way, especially about like the ex and stuff. But I'm human and I've always shared that with my daughters. I'm going to screw up. There's no there's no guidebook, there's no rule book. There's him. I do believe in God, and I do believe in it. So I pray to him, and I just try to do my best. And I try to be a good fucking human. And, you know, life happens. But, um, yeah, I, I, I realize I had a choice, right? I could choose, and I think this has to do with my, my, again, my family and my background. Sure. And I don't want to, I don't want to like, I'm trying to not say, you know, I'm trying to mince words a little bit because I don't want, you know, my, my mom, I know that they've went through a lot, but they've always had this, you know, woe is me. And I can't. And you know, I can't do this and I can't do that. I don't have money for this and I have money for that. And so I grew up with that whole limited belief on everything in their lives. And I'm like, I can't subscribe to this at all. And so that was the whole thing. So anything I've gone through, I'm like, I have a choice here. I can either choose, choose to say I'm screwed and I'm sad and I'm lonely and I'm depressed, or I can go, okay, what am I going to do with this? How am I going to turn this around? Nobody is waiting to turn it around for me. So figure it out, Renee. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. One hundred percent dead on. I when you start asking the right questions, then everything shifts right to your point. For the longest part of my life, I had subscribed to that, you know, the limiting belief aspect, you know, always focusing on a lack, oh, I can't do it because of, you know, fill in the blank. Right. Um, and I was challenged, uh, a while back to to expand my perspective, expand my perspective to what is possible. Start asking the right questions. How can I make this happen? What am I supposed to learn from this? What is God teaching me in this season, in this moment? Right. Yeah. Um, you know, when you start asking the what's and how's instead of why. Right, right. Yeah. Your whole perspective shifts. Absolutely. I throw that why question out because I'm not in control. He is. So if he's putting me through it, he's going to get me. He's if he's putting me to it, he's putting me through it. So I just have to trust the process and trust the process. Yeah I agree. Oh yeah. Real quick, before we keep rolling, maybe life hit you hard. Business fell apart. Career isn't working out. Relationship ended. Health took a dive. And now you're standing in the rubble trying to figure out what the next move even looks like. Or maybe nothing blew up at all. On paper, you're winning. Sure, but on the inside, something's off. If you're not in crisis, you're at a crossroads. And the playbook that built the life you have is not the playbook that builds the one you want. Either way, you're stuck. Not broken. Stuck between who you were and who you're becoming. Most self-help just piles more weight on the load you're already carrying. I do not want to do that. I put together a free video series called the Grit Code Exposed, and I want to invite you to check it out. Seven short videos. That's it. The five laws that change everything for me in every client I coach. The same five that every person who's ever come back from the fire has walked through where they had a name for it or not. No fluff, no ninety minute webinar. No bait, just the free video series. You can start it tonight. Grab it at grit. Code exposed dot com one more time. Grit code exposed dot com. It's free. You don't need any more hustle. You need the next version and this is how you find it. Check it out. See if it speaks to you. And if it does, I'll see you inside. All right, let's get back to the conversation. You wrote The Hardest Season, and this is probably going to touch a, you know, kind of a point in our parenting because when you wrote this, I'm like, mhm. Um, because I think a lot of parents can relate to this. Uh, but you wrote that about your estrangement with your youngest daughter. Yeah. You know, and, uh, you know, but you, you also mentioned you can't share much detail, which I honor and respect that. And I get that, um, inside the line that you're willing to draw, you know, take me to a moment. You realize the relationship had broken. Uh, not that day. She stopped calling, but more the morning you stopped pretending she was going to. Oh, that's a good one. And yeah, so for us, it's been about three years. So I've, you know, I've come to, I can't say acknowledge or accept it. I don't think I'll ever accept it. And, you know, I'm always going to hold out hope and prayers that she will come back. But when I realize that it's out of my control, it's out of my hands. I know, I know the way we both acted. I know we both love. There wasn't no big fight. There was no like big. I can see when people are, you know, estranged because of, you know, drugs, alcohol abuse like that. I totally get we didn't have that. So it was kind of like, what the hell has happened? But in reflection, right. I can look at going, okay, I had I have high expectations for me. So I have high expectations for my children. And I always did. Now, without having a conversation and truly understanding her perspective, I can only reflect and kind of guess what had happened, right? So until I have that conversation and perhaps I'm going to learn more about something that I just totally fucked up on, then, you know, this is what I'm seeing is having those expectations coupled with having an ex-husband in a very volatile relationship still, where he has the purse strings, in addition to me having the expectations of raising independent, Independent, strong women. I don't think that those two things aligned. And so it was it was really hard. It was really, really hard. And the sad part is, is she is also estranged from my oldest daughter. And my oldest daughter and I are like Gilmore Girls, where Rory and Lorelai, my wife and daughters or my wife and the youngest daughter watch that habitually. Yeah, that that's our, that's our thing. So. So for us, we were both like, what? Like, okay, none of us are perfect, but to just totally go away like that doesn't make sense. So I'll never get to the point where I understand it. But I had to get to the point of understanding that this is her journey, and I have to honor and respect that it is not my journey. My heart and my home will always be open for her. I will always be open to learn, reflect and acknowledge and apologize. I've apologized a million times, but I can, you know, hear somebody else's perspective. I'm okay with hearing, you know, criticism or anything about myself because I'm like, I'm not perfect. I mean, nobody is. Right. But exactly. But I know I try, I know I try to be a good person and be a good mom. So there were, you know, when that first happened, of course. I mean, you can imagine as a dad if that like the dad of two girls put the covers over my head. I don't want to get out of bed. But what I recognized is that with any of this, if I look at it going, how can I help somebody else? That fuels me? And that makes me more accountable to living my best life. Because if I can inspire or show somebody that and, and when I went like kind of public. I can't say public, but when I talk about estrangement, I was saddened to hear so many women reach out to me going, I'm a strange. My cousin is doing this. My. My sister's gone through this. Like it is an epidemic. And the. The sad part too is. My oldest and my ex don't have a relationship and I've tried to bridge the repair of that and I've facilitated get, you know, trying to get them together. Yeah. And it didn't work. So, um, it's just, it is a very sad thing. I mean, there's nothing. Yeah. You know. Good. No, it is sad and you're right. But at the end of the day, you highlighted this perfectly. Right? At the end of the day, you can only focus on the controllables. Yeah. Your thoughts, actions and beliefs. And the rest is up to the other person. Right. And, and sometimes we we worry, myself included. I'm not sitting here saying it because I'm perfect at it. But we sometimes wind ourselves up over stuff that we cannot even control. Yeah, yeah. And that's not good for, that's not good for our health. It's not good for our mental state. And so I'm like, no. And so I also have to, you know, as a mom, I've got to be there for my oldest. Yeah. True. So I've got to also show her that you go through shit in life, but you've got to figure it out. You can't like dwell on it. You can't just cry, but you can't have anxiety over it all the time. I'm not saying you can't have anxiety, but you can't live in that space, right? This controls everything. So you gotta so I have to be there to show my, my oldest daughter how you navigate through the shit because I try and be very transparent, like you ain't going through this life unscathed, so. Yeah. Well, that that's a great point for sure. You know, in the midst of all this, right? You know, through all of this. And I really want to touch on this because I think a lot of people already resonate with you. Um, and I'm glad this is why I wanted to talk about this because I, the more this is brought up, the more people I'm hearing from them. Yeah. Our daughter, we haven't or, you know, somebody we haven't heard from them in years, you know, and it's sad, but, you know, through all of that, you're also the woman building the brand, right? You're, you're the ones, you know, on stage telling other women how to show up. There's a version of you, though, that felt like a lie. Right? And I can resonate with this. Um, and it's really, in my opinion, my belief, it's about putting ourselves out there to try to be an example for other people to follow in spite of all the stuff. Right. Um, but, you know, like coaching through women a window, right? You know, inside you feel like this imposter, right? Did you ever feel like a fraud in these rooms? And if you did, what did you do with that? I had to, and I did. And so one thousand percent, especially as an entrepreneur, right? I'm saying I'm telling people, hey, you want to hire me because I know my shit. And then you go into the room and you're like, do I really like. Yeah. You start doubting yourself. Yeah, he paid me. And I'm going, I because I know that I'm human and I know that I can make mistakes and I know that I'm not perfect. Right. But when I said, you know what? No, like, again, it's all mindset. So I'm going, I know I have amazing talent to help somebody. I know I can help women. So, but I also know that I'm not for everyone and agreed that's the whole thing. So I'm going like, okay, if I can be a room full of women that need coaching and support, or they want to build a business, whatever, I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea. And when I finally realized that and go, I'm okay with that because first of all, I have to. I drink coffee anyway, so it's all good. But me too. Espresso, actually. There you go. I have my espresso k-cups every morning for sure. Um, but that's the thing is knowing I, I know my worth, I know the value that I bring to someone. And if they don't see it, that's on them. Exactly. Thank you. Yes. Thank you for saying that. Not only did I need to hear that reminder, but I think a lot of people, especially women in general, uh, I actually have a, an amazing woman, uh, that, uh, she became a client about a month or two ago and she's dealing with imposter big time, you know, because, you know, of mistakes and stuff of that nature. Feels like she's disqualified and I can resonate with that. When I first started this journey, I felt like, man, you know, who am I to talk about these people? And I, there was a part of me that wanted to try to be this perfect person, right, for everybody. And it's like, wait a minute, what the hell am I doing, dude? Like, I gotta find my tribe, my people. Yes. Right. You know, and for you, same thing for you. You've got to find your tribe, which is what you've really excelled at. You know, the this badass queen, right? Um, you've got to find all these badass queens because those are your, your people. That's your tribe. And that's how you can show up in your authentic self. And when you're able to do that, you feel a lot more fulfilled. You feel real, alive. And honestly, the experience is so much better. Yeah, it really is. It really is. Yes. I am so aligned in my life. That's why I'm so fucking happy. And if I, I can tell. And so I'm like, if I screw up on something or I fail at something or things don't work out, fuck it, I don't. It's okay. Because I know like, I just love what I do so I can talk about it till I'm blue in the face. It's like the he is going to make sure that I am well taken care of. He's going to bring people into my life that I know I can help and support. So the more I talk about it, the more I tell people. And the funny thing is, like you said, it too, is when you started this journey, like everything that we do, right? When I unlocked and said, okay, I'm going to create this personal branding agency coming out of network marketing, people are like, what? What are you doing now? Right? Or starting, you know, I'm all about multiple streams of income. I am like, you need plan A, B, C, D, E, F, and G like there is watch out. Right. And so as I'm doing all of these, of course, everything gets layered under the ecosystem of being a badass queen, right? But there are so many people. And that's why that whole watch Me acronym, right? When people I'm not going to ask people in my potential circle, what do you think about me? You know, creating a podcast because you think my mother would be like, oh, that's a great idea. Like I know so much about it doesn't even know how to open a phone to listen to a podcast. Right? So why would I like don't ask, don't ask people if this is something, don't ask me up. Don't ask. Just do it right. And then yeah, so yeah, be like Nike. So yeah, I don't just be like Nike. Yeah, that's a great point. Just freaking do it right. I mean, one hundred percent what's the worst that can happen? You fail big fucking deal. Yep yep yep. Exactly. You know, but too many people wait for other people's permission. And, uh, you know, and I get it. I've been there. But it's also heartbreaking because you're, you're giving somebody else's permission to shoot down your vision. Guess what? You know, the only person that sees the vision is you. There is a reason that you that nobody else can see it. There's nobody else. There's a reason why. Nobody else can get excited by it because they can't see it the same way you do. They can't feel it the way you feel it. Right? God put that in your heart. God put that in your mind. It is for you to execute, not for somebody else. I mean, if you're waiting for a human to give you permission when somebody else higher gave you that permission already, like, hello? Nope. Hello? Exactly. Exactly. Well, if you put it into GPT, it's going to be like, yes, girl, you go do it. You can. So do it right. That's a good point. That's, I guess it's one of the benefits of GPT. It's always agreeable. It's always trying to cheer you on. Right. So but yeah, I want your, you know, real quick because I heard something about your your, your miracle morning, right. Something the one system that you attribute your success to. What's that? Yeah. I am obsessed with my miracle morning. I really think it's a game changer. Yeah. So most people in the audience have heard this. You know, your audience, but they have not heard your version of it. So walk me through the actual mechanics. So for me, because everyone has a different way of experiencing a miracle morning, right? And so for me, you might laugh at this. Some people think I'm absolutely batshit crazy or some people think I'm brilliant. I'll go with the brilliant, but I have a Keurig bedside. Okay. With my espresso k-cups, I drink black coffee. So, like, why would I bother getting out of bed and going downstairs to make coffee? So makes sense. I start off my morning and I roll, I press brew, and I have coffee in bed, and the first thing that I do is I thank God for three specific things. Could be a dream. It could be, you know about my family. It could be about business. But I start and I express gratitude. And I say specifically three things that I am grateful for. And then from there, you know, I say a prayer. I listen to, um, there's a, there's an app that I listen to. It's all I do. You went to like the frequency in Hertz and all of that. So I put in my, you know, earbuds and I listened to some amazing stuff and I can share more about this company. It's just, it's unbelievable. But anyway, so I do that part of my miracle morning. And then what I also do in this lights me up. This is all before I even step out of bed. Okay. Uh, I love it. I listen to my future life script. So what I did is we, you know, a lot of us manifest. So I have vision board. I have a vision board. It's on my phone. Like I look at it every single time I open the phone on my computer. Some people have printed ones. Whatever. Yeah, yeah, we have goals. So what I challenge all of my clients and anyone I talk to about this is write down what you want your life to look like, whether it's six months or a year from now. And really think about this, like, where do you want to vacation? How often? Who are you with? Think about the smell. Like for me, I love the ocean. And it's like, you know, I smell the ocean and how I want to spend my day and how much money do I want to earn and how, what kind of clients am I attracting? What am I doing in my business? How successful like these and the reach, the stuff that people would be like if I shared what is next, some people would be like, what the fuck are you doing? But yeah, exactly. Oh yes. So I, you write it all down and then you pull up your phone. We all have a voice memo on our phone. So I recorded myself as if I've already achieved it and I'm like, I get to do this. I am earning this, I am traveling here, I am doing this. And so when you listen, because this is all connected, right? The head, heart, mouth. So when you listen to this every day, your brain starts believing this is what's happening and this is how you're living. And when I tell you, Carl, I listen to this, and even on the darkest mornings or on the times where, you know, I didn't book, I didn't get that client or I didn't book this thing or I didn't sell this. Even those times where I'm not feeling my authentic badass self, I listen to that and I'm like, Holy shit, I'm a fucking badass. Ready to go? Let's go. Yes. So then I jump out of bed and then it's like the stretches and I'm like, okay, I'm, I am so pumped up. And that is how then I just run with my day because I know when I'm working for I know why I'm doing this for that future self. So then I can look back and go, I am so fucking proud of you, Renee, for doing it. Yep. Oof! That was so good. I think this whole just like that little five minute was like the whole episode, like, just right there. Thank you. Um, no, that that's so good. I, I, man, I'm glad this is being recorded because, uh, I love the idea because for me, I've really dive into, um, you know, how we talk out loud, you know, and be super aware of how we talk to ourselves about ourselves, right? We oftentimes talk out loud, oh, I'm such an idiot. Or, you know, whatever, we are not aware of how that further, you know, cements exactly what's going on subconsciously in our minds. Right? So everything we see outside our mouths, our ears, hear our brains thinking, we don't really think it's a big deal, but there's not a transcriptionist in our brain. Oh, that was a mistake. Let's just admit that from the court records, right? Right. No, it's there forever, bro. Like until you start, you know, putting new programming in your mind, which you just described. That's brilliant. Thank you. And you could do it in such a way where you're juicing yourself up and painting this illusion that you, that you've already received it. You're just now just following the path to get there. Yeah. And that's the thing is you can you have this illusion? I have this illusion of what my future looks like. But you know, we all know it takes action. So then you go, okay, this is what this is what I want. Yes. But now. Okay, this is why I go to fucking work. This is why I have my laptop open at ten o'clock at night. Not because I have to, but because I get to. This is the stuff that I want to do. Because I want to live my life a certain way. Yes. I'm so glad you said you have to do the work because so many people think, oh, I'll just, you know, put this illusion and just sit by and wait. Ain't nobody going to come and save you, honey, and then say, oh, it doesn't work. Really? Come on. Did you put in the work right? Oh my gosh. This cracks me up, man. Yeah. This is so good. This is so good. I know this. Yeah, absolutely. Well, fast forward to today. You know this this badass queen brand sparkle Queen's the book, the podcast, the Bella Grace team, you know, the recognition for, you know, the top, uh, coach, um, what are you fired up about the most now though? Or maybe it's all about what are you fired up about the most? What is the version of Renee Fleming the world has not yet met. You know, there is a lot more to come. So with me building this. Yes, I want to make an impact for women, and I want to help them because it comes from the foundation I. I remember how it felt with that whole watch me. I never want women to feel like they're stuck, like they're, you know, financially, the shitty job, shitty marriage, shitty relationship, whatever that is. I never want them to feel that way. So everything that I do centers around that. You know, unleash your inner badass queen. I have programs also that I can help them build. I call it the one hundred thousand dollars bucket fund. So that's what I like to do is help them build that so they can either join. I've got like lots of businesses that they can join and I help coach and train them. Or I have the coaching. All of that lights me up. But the reason why I went through trademark, I don't know if you have gone through trade. Okay. And that was oh, that was, you know, a process. What I didn't know going into trademark is that in order to get the trademark for the specific classes or categories you want, you need to be in commerce for those particular classes. So that's why I have badass queen clothing and that's why I have planners and merchandise and all of that because I needed to have that before I would get the license. So my plan, and although I have badass queen clothing and I have, you know, sportswear and athletic wear because I love working from home and sweats, and I want to show women like you don't have to be in a corporate suit and everything in order to earn multiple six figures or seven figures, whatever you want to do. But my ultimate goal is to have an IP business. I want my plan and I'm putting it out there. So I'm going to sell badass Queen for twenty million dollars. Like that's eventually what I want. You just put it out there, put it out there, put it out there. So I'm in the process of building badass queen wine, so watch out. I can see there's. I mean, that's so perfect, I bleed Cabernet. So I'm like, why? Why not have my own brand? Right? So I'm going to do that. But that's, that's in the process. I own the trademark for that. There are other things coming. I'm headed to Miami next week for. I was inducted into this Bombshell Boss Babes network, which is incredible. But there's a nice. There's a yacht party and I've partnered with a designer for like certain look, but I'm going to be marketing that. And like, there's so many new things coming under the bad ass queen umbrella. I have a Napa Valley experience that I'm hosting in the fall for women to go to Napa and have a blast with me and personal branding and, you know, the whole thing. That sounds fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So lots of any dudes allowed. I'm, I mean, I might destroy it alone. I know, right? I know, so there's so many, there's just so much fun. And I always, I just look at it going, why not like this? It lights me up. I'm going to do it and I'm going to explore it. And it's the it's the badass queen way. That's what I want other women to know. I love that, I love that I fully. I sincerely see that come to fruition for you. I, I just, I see it, um, you know, be able to sell I, I actually, I think it's going to be higher than twenty five million. I'm just going to put that out there. Thank you. It's going to be twenty five, thirty million if not more. Yeah. I so I that's the goal. I want to leave a legacy for my kids, for my daughters, for my boyfriend's son and his wife. And, you know, I want everyone, I want to be able to be that. I call it the glamour. You know, when when they all have kids. I want to be glamour. And I want to be the kind of glamour that, you know, they go, wow, my glamour gets to do this and I get to take them all on vacation. I just want to I want to leave it all to them. So I love that. Yeah, I love that. All right. You get an opportunity to, to say like a sixty ninety second message to her version of yourself, maybe twenty, thirty or so years ago. I know better to ask a young lady her age, so I'll refrain. Oh, I don't give a shit. I call myself a queen ager, Queen ager. Oh my gosh. Of course it's so fitting. I it just makes sense. Right? But you said in your intake it does not matter your age, it does not matter your experience. You can build an extra stream of income with the power of personal branding. Look into the camera and talk to this version of you from years ago. Say it like you're talking to a woman who's sitting in her kitchen table tonight, wondering if it is too late for her. I love that. So what I would say is when I grew up, I've seen the show Golden Girls, and I know a lot of women can relate. This is what fifty six looks like unapologetic badass. This is like if you have a PhD in life, passion, hot desire, you can do whatever the fuck you want, no matter your age. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm mhm mhm. So good. By the way, you don't look a day over twenty six. Thank you. Fifty six. Huh? I don't give a fuck. It's a number, I don't care. Whatever. Agree? Yeah. It is. You're right. It's all in here. Everything is mindset. I don't care, but that's the thing is, you know, twenty, thirty years ago I had this vision of fifty six was I was going to look like golden girls. I was going to look like Blanche. Like that was who we were becoming. Now, I love a good Mrs. Roper caftan, but that's not, you know, I'll wear those for sure. But other than that, no. Yeah. No, that's that's a great point for sure. I think we've you're you're right. I think we've, uh, just embraced this mindset that as we get more seasoned, that we have to fit this stereotype of whatever that's supposed to look like, right? You know. And it is up to us, you, me, and everybody that's in that journey to smash that and to, you know, break the mold and develop our own mold. Yeah. Right. Love it. Real quick, before you go, if you're still with me this deep into the episode, something in it hits you. Maybe it was the guest. Maybe it was one line. Either way, you're still here. And that feeling in your chest right now, that's the signal. Most people get a signal like that and do absolutely nothing with it. They close the app, life rushes back in. The moment's gone. Six months later, there are the exact same spot. I don't want that for you. So I put something together. I want to invite you to check out a free video series called The Grit Code Exposed. Seven short videos. The five laws. I walk every client through the same ones that rebuilt me when everything else fell apart. And if you listen closely today, you heard them running underneath the entire conversation because everyone who's come back from the fire walks through these five laws. Some find them on their own, some get help, but the laws don't change. Free video series. You can start it tonight. No fluff. No ninety minute webinar. Just the series. If you're going to do something with what you heard today, do this before life talks you out of it. Go to grit Code exposed dot com one more time. Grit code exposed dot com. And hey, before I let you go, thank you for riding with me this long. It means a lot more than you know. Thank you. All right. Rapid fire questions. As we. As. Unfortunately, we have to wrap this up because I know we could probably talk for another two or three hours. I know for sure. Um, but nonetheless, as we start to wrap this up, I've got some rapid fire questions for you. Um, in this season that you're, that you're in building this badass queen brand, all the stuff that you're, that you're doing, what does grit mean for you? Grit is showing up when you really don't want to. Grit is showing up through the pain, through the hurt, through the sadness, through the anxiety, through through the depression, through the all of the awful bad days. Grit showing up in spite of. So true. Gets a good answer. Agree. Agree. In. I don't know if you can resonate with this, but in the. In the era that we live in. There's always the talk of adding right, adding systems, adding strategy, adding, adding, adding. But I'm also the belief and this is where I've been focused here in my in my season of life where I'm removing things, whether it's people, it's systems and strategies, beliefs or things I've had to unlearn or just, you know, remove friction in my life so I can level up so I can advance. What is something that you're actively removing from your life so you can advance and level up? That's a great thing. And I'm removing some aspects of the business. So I had to get to the point because I built, you know, network marketing. I have a few network marketing businesses that I'm part of, but it doesn't mean that that has to be your life. And in order to get, I had to get to the point where I knew where I had to listen to him. He's been knocking on the, you know, okay, if you don't listen, I'm going to knock a little hotter and then I'm going to throw a brick at you. You know, I had to understand that in order for me to get to the next space, the next chapter of my life, I needed to let go of those opportunities that were not aligned and was not fueling my heart. Right. You get to the point. Like if it's if I don't feel it internally, it's just not going to work and I can't fake it. That almost hit that almost hit me with an onion. I can completely resonate with that. I can completely resonate with that. Yeah. Yeah. Because the first twenty well, I mean, I told you twenty some years I spent grinding in my companies trying to prove somebody wrong, right? Yeah. But I never once felt fulfilled, right? Never once. Wow. Never once. Wow. You know, it's always it was always chasing revenue was always chasing profit, chasing other things other than. MM. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the thing. I was like, you know, I'm working so hard for to promote somebody else's business. And I'm like, what the hell? What's what lights me up that I can talk about is me helping other women, my badass queen brand. So I'm like, why am I doing this when I could be putting my eggs in my own basket? Yes. And having fun at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. So true. It's a good point. Yeah. One hundred percent. Love it. All right. Last two questions. The last question is a two part. Both of these questions I prepared you in the green room. Um, so while you're in the trenches, as I'll quote you saying this going to hell and back before we hit the record. What is a quote or scripture or anything that you tell yourself to pull yourself out of the trenches when you're going to hell and back. So I typically think of my kids first and I think about what I want to how I that I need to overcome whatever that is for them. But I've always reflected on Jeremiah twenty nine eleven. That one got me through. That one gets me through everything. Now, I could read it's, you know, for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. And I pull this up because I didn't want to mess it up. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. And so I know that with every fiber of my being. And that's what gets me through it all. Mhm. So good. Now I, I agree, you're not the first person I've heard that from, you know, uh, quoting Jeremiah. Um, that's been a common thread, and that's something I've had to remind myself in this season, because I'm sure you can relate. You know, there is a lot of self doubt when you're chasing something completely different. You're chasing something where you're leveraging your mindset, your leveraging your experience, which also can expose holes, right? You can explore, it can expose vulnerability, right? And with that man, the enemy can certainly creep in there. Like, what are you doing? Who are you to do this? Who are you to say that? Remember that what you did twenty years ago. Remember, you know this argument. Remember that. Mess up. Remember this, this, this. You know, it's so good. I, I hear you. All right. Last question. And for those that are listening and or watching and or, or watching, I, if you this is the first time you're listening. I love to offer my guest a challenge to ask my future guest, what is a question that they would love to challenge him with? And guys, the guest lineup is completely anonymous, right? And so far, if you've been listening to more than one episode, you would notice. So far, the question has landed perfectly and this is no exception for you. So that being said, before I get too excited and forget to ask the last part because I sometimes do. What is a. What is a question that you would love to ask or challenge my future guests with? When you ask me when you told me you were going to ask me that, I kind of. I have CRS disease. So you set it in the pregame and then I was like, oh, I forgot what you were going to ask me. You know what CRS is? Yes I do. Can't remember shit. So so this is like, hi, I'm. You're too huh? Right. So you you just asked me this for the first time. Um, I would probably ask them to really take time to think if they were anonymous. No one knew them, and they had a million dollars. What would they do? What would light them up? If that's all that, that's what they had. They had. They were anonymous. They had the money, so it wasn't out of a necessity. What lights them up? Because that is their future business. Oof oof! And I say anonymous because, you know, family friends, like, don't ask anyone if you were totally anonymous and you nobody knew you and you had the funds that you didn't have to like worry about the next meal or the next, you know, where am I going to live or the next bill and what lights you up that you would love to do and go figure out a way of doing it? MM. That's a great question. That's a great question. Yeah, absolutely. All right. So my previous guests, Merritt Khan, had out of Colorado an amazing, uh, badass in her own right. I had this. Really? Isn't that funny? Yeah, she was on my show. Her episode hasn't dropped yet, but I had her. I love it. This is this is awesome. Yeah. I just want to laugh right now because see how it works? Yeah. Yep, I won. I've got goosebumps. And two, I just want to laugh right now because when you said that, I'm almost like, okay, I'm, I'm waiting for the just kidding. Because when I gave her the challenge, like, oh yeah. Mark. And I'm like, you know, him and she's like, no, I'm just kidding. And so when you started saying like, okay, I'm expecting to hear this. Just kidding. But when you actually, you know, you're being serious, like, holy smokes. Wow, this is scary, guys. This is truly scary alignment. That's what it is. That is right. And hyaluronic is coming from her too, right? Oh, so she had this question for you. Okay. When you're in a moment that really calls for you to dig in with grit, do you do it from a serious perspective, or is there a humor that helps you out? As soon as I said that. You know exactly what I'm talking about. I mean, hello? Have you met me? Like my life is a joke? I am a joke. Like I, I am the one of the most self-deprecating women that you're going to meet. I don't go through. This isn't serious. We're not here to solve world peace or hunger. We're here to have a good fucking time. We're here to help inspire. We're here to help others. And you can do that. That's absolutely great. I do it all with humor and fun. So love this. Not just because your answer, but because of who it came from. That is. That's great. That's great. It is. It is one hundred percent. Oh my gosh. Yeah, absolutely. All right. So for the person that's listening or watching, if this is on YouTube or, you know, anywhere else where this is being broadcast on video, they want to connect with, they resonate with your story, they resonate with your, your queen brand. They want more about, you know, learn more about you. Where can they find you and connect with you? Fantastic. Anywhere on social media. Renee Fleming all over. Um, you can go to Renee Fleming dot com or badass queen dot co. It's the same thing. You can connect with me on my websites, um, for those that are interested. So I always remember as I was building my, my coaching and the trainings and the programs that I have, I always go back to remembering when I did not have the money to invest in myself, but knew that I needed to. And so I have programs that are very entry level that women can jump in. I have a free strategic video book on how to build your bucket fund. Happy to share that. Um, I want women to have access to the information and, you know, if I could be of resource, if they have questions, I'm happy to have that. And I even have like a one hour clarity intensive that I do because sometimes it takes, you know, one conversation for somebody to go, oh, this is what I should be doing, you know? Mhm, mhm, mhm, yep. Susie, you said something, something came to mind. Uh, we're we're we're done hitting record. I'll, I'll tell you. Okay. Sorry. Audience. It's only behind the scenes. Only. Right, I love it. VIP tickets, VIP. Here we go. Yeah. So, man, we gotta do this again. We gotta do this again. This has been such a great conversation. It has been wonderful. Thank you so much. Yeah, absolutely. You know, and you know, Renee, sincerely, I do appreciate you coming here and allowing us. And by the way, all everything you just mentioned is going to be in the show notes on YouTube and Spotify, Apple. So we're definitely going to drop that. Just want to make sure I say that to the listeners. Um, but Renee, thank you for coming in here and not just giving us this amazing glimpse of the things you've achieved and things you're still working on and all of that, but you allow us a peek into the hell and back fires that you've had to experience and still experiencing, right? It's not like anything. It's, it's it's one and done. You're still like all of us, right? We're still going through fires. We're still going through tribulations and so forth. So thank you for coming in here, sharing your journey, inspiring tons of women and dudes. Thank you to do that. Thank you. I honor and respect you for that. Thank you so much. Yeah, this has been so fun. Um, so thank you. All right, guys, those that are listening and watching. The gap between average and excellence is just action, even in perfect action. Don't just listen to me today. Please take one thing she shared and use it. Whether it's recording your voice for what you're achieving later on and listening to it every morning, or putting a Keurig by your by your nightstand and hitting it first thing in the morning, or expressing gratitude for the when you first wake up. Just take one thing and implement it within the next twenty four hours. Please be the reason someone doesn't quit today. Don't just keep this episode to yourself. Be someone in your circle that can be inspired by this episode. Someone in your circle needs it right now. Send it to them. Renee. Again, thank you, my queen, for coming in here, inspiring us and sharing your sharing your story. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. My pleasure.